Clark Kent

My greatest ambition is to be Clark Kent. Do the world some good, provide hope for the hopeless, and be able to do it unnoticed.
I've found that losing myself in the good of others is the only thing that makes me happy, truly happy. "For it is in giving that we receive."

As great as super powers are, I wouldn't want super powers. No, I'd love to be that person who knows how to use average skills in extraordinary ways. People who actually do do that, those people are the reason ideas like Superman exist, the reason why there is hope among the hopeless. But most importantly, they're humble about it. It's rather admirable, what those people do.

Today, though, I was walking through Costco and from the moment I got near the flowers I could hear a baby wailing from somewhere in the store. I've been in that position, and after a couple minutes trying everything to make the kid stop, your face turns into stone. You call yourself every name in the book because you thought that this one time it might go well. I've also been in the position where I wish I could just do something, I feel for whoever is going through that.

So, I'm walking through the store and like any mother, mine stops to look at the books, which leaves me to wander around. I now know exactly where I can get a gallon of mayonnaise, a years worth of gum, or my favorite, 500 feet of aluminum foil. I mean, seriously? The gum yes, but aside from the tin-foil hat wearers, who needs that much of aluminum foil?!

As I'm wandering I hear this wailing child get closer and closer, and I round a corner to the mother in the middle of scolding this red face watery eyed bald baby, who is no more than a year old. The mother, of course, didn't see me at all so I casually followed them down the isle making little smiley faces to this baby. About a minute later we were about to enter into the main isle, they were turning left and I was going right. As we were separating, I waived to this kid and the biggest smile spread across his face, he let out a giggle, and his hand shot up to waive back. I walked off but I glanced back and saw the mother with a very surprised look on her face, searching the faces of dozens of people who could have possibly made her day. Now, I'm not saying I did that, but it would have made mine.

I didn't hear anyone crying the rest of the time I was at Costco.

It's moments like those that I live for. It didn't cause me much work, if any, and hopefully it made someone a bit happier. I know it made me happy.

Opportunities similar to this happen all the time and we don't necessarily notice that they are, in some way, a heroic act. Things as simple as telling a person that you're thinking of them or telling them that you care, can often change a persons outlook on that day or even life in general. What I find special to me, is when a person can spend the time to write and send a letter. I feel that they genuinely care because they took that time, and in this day and age, time is so limited. It's always the simple things that make a difference and I believe that.

Although I don't have super powers, I know that I can do a good deed here and there. Not exactly at the level I would like too, but it's my only hope that it gets passed on.

I've never been a fan of capes, but I do enjoy wearing my black rimmed glasses as often as I can.

Sticky Notes

I have a sticky note I wrote on New Years day 2010 that says, 'Did you change this year?', it's stuck to my wall and I get glance at it whenever I sit at my desk. Which is quite frequent, so the question is always in my head.
When I wrote it, I was planning on taking a more physical attitude to the challenge. Little did I know, I would change who I was.

I have sticky notes stuck everywhere around my room, but there's one in particular that's most special to me. I have it on my wall next to my New Years note and it's the best advice I've been given within this last year. Be strong and do the hard thing. It was written in a letter, that I read whenever I'm feeling down or need advice. Who better to have written that letter than the person who single-handedly caused me to re-think everything about myself. The person I'll gladly blame for allowing me to say, "Yes, I did change this year."

Through honestly, the hardest time of my life to date, that person came storming in with a humble heroic fashion and provided me an example of what I need in my life. I didn't have to prove anything. They were there for me. They asked questions when I would talk to them about my worries and struggles. They'd ask, is that what you want when you're older? I was getting asked about what I wanted rather than having to listen to how it should be. Slowly, but surely, I had a reason to be happy, I had a full life ahead of me to look forward to, because for the first time ever, I could see the possibilities. I know what I want now. So, because of one person and a big heart, I'm different. There's no doubt though that I had influences of all sorts from the people who are in my life today.

I find that trials and adversity comes no matter if the timing is right. It's gonna happen. Chances are, we need it and it's our time to shine. I've learned that more this year than ever before.

We're only given what we can handle, but the most important thing I've learned, is that it's not necessary to endure these struggles alone. I would have never learned that, had it not been for the person who wrote me that letter.

On my last sticky note that I see as I shut my computer off each night, is a quote by David O. McKay - Man's success or failure, happiness or misery, depends upon what he seeks and what he chooses.

That One Family

My mom plays the organ in church, and I don't sit with my dad. So, for the last 6 months I sit alone for Sacrament meeting. I enjoy looking around and watching a father and mother trying with all their might to shut their kids up, or creating a barrier at each end of the bench so they can't run off. Or my personal favorite, when the kid realizes they can crawl UNDER the benches, and it takes the parents too long to see that. By that point it's too late and they're off. Then the parents are walking briskly, trying to be reverent, to catch up to them before they make it up to the pulpit.

There I sit, alone, watching all these families go through this hassle every week, and I enjoy it probably a bit too much.

Lately I've been going to another ward where my friend lives, and I always get asked to come on the good Sundays, when the Martins are in town.

I drive myself, and with the last 5 years of my mom driving me everywhere and being late to everything, I have this new obsession with being early, always.

The last Sunday I went, I sat in the very back, having a slight panic attack. Then I hear someone say something in the foyer, and I know the Martins are here. Finally, someone I know. Tracy walks in and says, "Come on, sit with us."

Of course, I felt bad because I was stealing mom's Right side, which only left her Left side, for three girls to fight over.
Testimony meeting started and on the left of me, I had Mom and Daughter whispering and laughing, to my right I had two Sisters laughing about something Elder Miller was doing from across the room.

So, there I sit, smack dab in the middle of it. It was great. I absolutely loved it.

But what topped it off, was towards the end of the meeting, when Tracy put her arm around me, just like she had done to her daughter the entire hour. I've never felt like I've belonged anywhere like I did at that moment. I'm not sure I could ever top the way I felt then. For the first time in 6 months, I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was sitting there with my family, with the people I love and care about.

There's always that person, or that family, that just means the world to you.
I've found mine.

When we reach the end of ourselves.

I hope you know you're not the only one who feels the way you feel. You are not the only one who struggles. You are not the only one with questions. You deserve to be heard, to be known. You deserve love.

You deserve love.

You deserve a place that feels like home. You deserve someone to pull you past the broken moments, to catch you when you fall. To be told that you exist, that you change a room, that your presence is significant. Ears to hear you, hear your stories, hear you laugh. To hear your questions, and to say they matter.

Your questions matter.


Your story is one that was written with purpose. It’s still being written. Sometimes we suffer. Sometimes we stumble, we fall, and we can’t see how we can possibly get up. Our hearts break, our world seems to get darker, we feel alone. But through those struggles you learn and you grow. You figure out who you are.

It's fun to watch yourself grow. When you can look back, maybe a year, and see what has changed.
For the positive, for the negative? That's always the interesting part.
Maybe, we've learned to love unconditionally or we have hope, a reason, for once in our life.

I know, for myself, that if certain things hadn't taken place then I'd be the same person, no goals, no ambition, no hope. But, I know now that despite feeling quite alone in this very large world, I'm not alone. I've always known that we're only given what we can handle, but I've learned that it's not necessary to go through trials, alone. I've learned this through a single person who has helped me grow, through countless ways.

We have to choose to ask for help when we reach the end of ourselves. If I hadn't, I would have never learned the things I had learned. Things that significantly alter my opinion, views, and thoughts

Emmet Fox said, "Any difficulties that can come to you at anytime, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson."

Think Pink!

It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
My favorite thing to support!
NorCal Think Pink pretty much takes over Redding for a day. On the third Thursday in October, volunteers dress up in all pink and take over the town post office and MD imagining downtown.
It's a 14 year city tradition.


I just ordered this awesome shirt to support.




This year means more to me than any in the past. I recently found out that an old Primary teacher was diagnosed with breast cancer in July of this year. I've read her posts. Her fear is admirable. Her strength is incredible. Her faith is inspiring. She has a young daughter and a wonderful husband who support her through it all. Along with all the friends from church who kneel down and pray for her recovery, each night. It's touching to see people supporting each other, and I love it.

I wear pink for all the warriors, do you?

A small epiphany.

"There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith."
Gordon B. Hinckley

I'll be the first to admit, that I sometimes lose faith. Within the past couple months, I can only point out one time when I was truly, deep inside myself, happy. It was a three week period where I totally consumed myself in a Stake-wide Young Womens project. The amount of work and the difficulty this would take quickly come to my realization. But as President David O. McKay said, “Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.” Who would have thought? I love making people happy, but I think I've finally found a way to make others happy and grateful, as well as myself. I'm almost positive it's the only thing out there that can accomplish such a task.

Through all that, I was able to get away from the worries and stresses I had about being at home. I would go to bed filled with gratitude, and wake up thinking of ways to make it better. I remained focused on completing something, that I had desperately hoped, would make my Young Womens President feel appreciated for the hard work she had done, and just...for her. She deserved a gift that came from the heart. That was all that was important to me. There were days where my ward YW president would have to comfort me and say, "She'll love it." But it was difficult to believe it, because it meant so much to ME, it was a good idea to ME. But, not every person is similar. So I worried, like I do with everything and everyone.

I began to wonder if that's why I struggle with completing a task. It may seem great to ME. But what about the person it's for, who it matters too. Sometimes, I give up, because I know, or think I know, that they really wouldn't have enjoyed it.
It all leads to trusting, believing, having faith. Sometimes it's a bit hard to have. So there's another thing I've got to work on.
I'm learning a lot about myself within the year 2010. I need to decide NOW what I want LATER.

Despite my worries it turned out great. I learned more from that than any type of educational system I've been through. I wasn't getting away from the stresses at home and I wasn't ignoring them, but I found that I had a way to deal with them.

I appreciate my leaders. Especially those who stick by you even when they move, or get released. Those people matter most. They're the ones who deserve the most, but rarely get the bare minimum.

They are strength, love, and comfort.
Why I have the privilege to interact with the select few I'm talking about, I don't know. But I know I must have done something right, things like that just don't happen.

Sophomore Final.

I know I posted one story about it last year. But this is my much better written version of my Uncle Tim's accident in Moab, this was my Final for my last semester while a Sophomore. Not perfect, but I HATE writing, so I do the best I can. Hope you enjoy.

The repetitive morning routine couldn’t put a damper on my mood. Sleeping in the corner of the room on the floor was no bother. I’d wake up, check my phone, check on my three cousins sprawled out all over the room, and then I would get ready. Once ready, I would pull a chair up to the windowsill, face it east, and prop my feet up. I would watch the sunrise every morning while I was in Moab. I was going through a hard time before this trip during Spring Break, had come up. Every morning I had the sun rise to reflect upon the blessings that I was receiving. The contrast from a dark morning to the gradual light over the mountains was almost exactly how I was feeling. I was in a dark place, I had often asked myself, “Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?”, and since this trip, there had come a light that seemed to break over me.

The colors of the sunrise would just be those extra blessing I was receiving: our safety, laughter, family, friendship, life, and love. Then the sun rising itself would equal to the general aspect of my life. The sun rises with a complex mixture of science and although it looks real simple, the complexity of it is beyond anyone’s capability of thinking. As I was sitting there thinking of the recent days it was easy to smile to myself, there was no force, it was natural. I began thinking that with the overwhelming amount of family, friends, fun and love I had had that possibly it was like the sun. Love, family, friends and fun were my complex system of sciences that would make me capable of getting up every day with a smile on my face.

Once the sun had risen, my Uncle Tim would walk out from his room, wake his kids and instead of waiting for all of them to get up, he and I would walk to the conference room where the hotel provided a breakfast. There we would also meet up with another family that was joining us that week, the Shelley’s. Both families would gather, eat and then we would decide where we would go riding that day. Today was different. It was our last day in Moab. My Uncle had some family friends that had moved, years prior to this, down to this area. We were to load up our hotel room, check out, do our last bit of shopping, meet that family and then head out to the trail. In our hurry that morning we forgot to say our morning family prayer. After loads of material from our hotel room, running back and forth and up and down three flights of stairs we were ready to go shopping. After a short half hour of locating our desired items, we packed up again and drove down the street to meet up with the family that had moved down here, the Barrett’s.

Onion Creek, the trail that was talked about all week. It was to be the easiest, and simplest of the trails we would embark upon all week. Just the day before, we conquered the riding area, Hells Revenge, the trail names alone should be able to tell the difference in difficulty. Onion Creek was also a dirt road, a road that cars drove on in a valley area to get to multiple camp sites. The anticipation almost controlled our actions as we unloaded the Quads and Dirt Bikes. After some time we began our ride. In all, we had about 20 vehicles. The leader was my Uncle Tim, his youngest daughter, me, his wife, and ending our long line was the father of the Barrett family in his Jeep with his wife and two children. From beginning to end, we were to cross Onion Creek 27 times, through a valley area, turn around and retrace our route in order to get back to where we began. Around mile 5 we all gathered together to see how everyone was and get an update; something my Uncle makes sure to do each time he rides with a group. After everyone had confirmed they were ready to go, we started out again. After riding a few hundred feet, Uncle Tim stood up and looked back to make sure all was well and then the unthinkable happened.

I remember glancing back as he did, then looking up ahead of me. The images will be forever embedded into my memory. The front tires rolling off the edge of the cliff, dust, and my Uncle’s feet. My cousin in front of me stopped and got off her ATV as she realized what had happened. My instinctive reactions came out in full force and I hopped off my dirt bike, told my cousin to stop screaming in terror, and I began to run. I ran down a hill stripping off every unnecessary item I had on: my backpack, helmet, goggles, and gloves. Within a minute or two I had sprinted down a hill, slid down a 70 degree slanted slope, run an additional 10 feet, jumped down five feet to the bottom of the cliff, and then run another 30 feet to where my Uncle was. The first thing I remember seeing was Uncle Tim lying face down in the water. The thoughts that ran through my mind were along the lines of, “He can’t be dead” or “He’s fine!”, but when that’s the first thing you see, and you put all things into consideration, how could he be “just fine”? By this time my cousin, Kameron, Tim’s only son, had caught up to me. We raced to my Uncle who was lying face down in the water. Kameron got to him first and flipped him over. Together we pulled him out of the water, and onto the embankment. Thankfully the stream was only six inches deep. He was unconscious while we were pulling him out and was not breathing. The thoughts that went through my head when I realized this, was hard to accept. Kameron informed me that the best idea was to take his helmet off. We fought for a quick moment on whether or not that was actually the best idea, not knowing the full extent of his injuries, then I finally gave in. While pulling his helmet off, he became conscious. I can remember him looking back and forth at Kameron and me as we talked about what we should do. When he finally made a noise, relief washed over me. Although I was already calm and collected, the relief seemed more of an acknowledgement that everything would be okay. Tina, Uncle Tim’s wife, rushed down the hill to our side. Kameron and I backed off to let her talk to him so she would be reassured he was alright for the time being.

The bonding that my cousin and I had just shared was quickly swept away by the overwhelming smell of gasoline. In the hurry to get down to Uncle Tim we had completely forgotten about his ATV, which miraculously laid nearly 12 feet from where my Uncle was lying. The ATV lying on its side, seat completely detached, and its front left wheel nearly torn off, showed that it took the full force of the fall. We decided that since it was leaking gasoline that the best idea was to flip it right side up. As soon as that was done, we weren’t sure what to do next. Kameron decided he would go and reassure the group of what was happening and to move the ATV’s and dirt bikes to a better location instead of in the road. While that was being taken care of, my Uncle’s oldest daughter, Taylor, drove to a spot where she could get cell reception and called for an ambulance.

Being a physical therapist, my Uncle was able to explain what he thought was broken and the best way position him for the most comfortable position in the current situation. Physically I was there, but emotionally I wasn’t. It seemed like some other being was controlling me, which by all means was perfectly fine, because I was able to be emotionally strong for my family. He believed his pelvis was broken and we needed to prop up one leg for him to be comfortable. We definitely felt lucky that the seat from his ATV had fallen off because it was the perfect shape and size that we needed. A lot of the positions required items to prop his arms up or his neck. I became the messenger during the wait for the ambulance to come, but I made sure I didn’t step far away from my Uncle’s side, because it was too much for me to handle. Not knowing what was happening.

It seemed like hours before any medical help arrived and when they did I was scooted away. The EMT’s needed space for them to do their jobs correctly and making sure everyone, except Uncle Tim’s wife, was away guaranteed that there would be no interruptions. I rejoined our group and looked people directly in the eye instead of beating around the bush. There was a very gloomy feeling blanketing our group and as I encountered that feeling, I began cracking jokes, in order to lighten the feeling. It helped, but we all were thinking the same thing in the back of our mind. In no time they had Uncle Tim on a stretcher and some guys from our group to help carry him up to the ambulance. Shortly after, the Life Flight Helicopter arrived to pick him up and fly him to the nearest hospital in Grand Junction, Colorado.

The drive to Grand Junction was a sad ordeal. We sang church hymns to bring the Spirit into the car so we would receive comfort. It helped to a great extent. We made phone calls to a couple people to let them know what was going on. Then they called around and let other family and friends know; and the word spread. After hours in the car we finally made it to Grand Junction and eventually found our way to St. Mary’s Hospital there. I was coated in mud from my shins down and still soaked in water, as was my Aunt. We found out that Uncle Tim had been moved from the ER to ICU. All of us cousins sat in the hallway in front of the ICU doors so we could get news immediately about him. He was doing well. After we all seen him and knew that he was okay we made our way to the home the hospital has for patients’ families, which was just a block from the hospital. We took turns taking showers and winding down from an emotionally stressful day.

Aunt Tina went back to the hospital for the night. My younger cousins stayed in the room and watched TV. My older cousin walked around and talked to friends on the phone. I gave my parents and best friend, Philip, a call. The shock began to wear off while talking to my parents, and I was an unstable emotional mess. When I finally got on the phone with Philip, he was able to calm me down and really comfort me. He didn’t try to make me laugh, but he seemed to know what to say that would help me get through the ordeal until I was able to get home.

After getting off the phone I remember I found a chair and moved it away from the entrance of the building. In my daze I didn’t realize what I was facing until I came out of it. Once I did, I realized I was watching the sun set and I remembered what I was thinking just that morning, something that seemed months earlier rather than just a few hours ago. The sunset was almost majestic as it receded over the snow capped mountains. I began to think to myself, “Why not me? Why would I wish this pain upon another family, another person?” Maybe I didn’t deserve this, but I had a life prepared for things like this to happen and I had enough strength to endure to the end. In the long run, this was a blessing in my life. After my pain, sadness and shock wore off completely, I turned those thoughts into action and began to comfort my cousins because I knew that was needed desperately while their mother was tending to their father. That’s how it was the rest of the days in Grand Junction.
“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.” -Oscar Wilde.

Girls Camp 2010 - We are all enlisted.

On Monday I left for Girls Camp. The morning that I left I was probably in the worst mood ever. And at the end of the week I was in the same mood. But for two entirely different reasons. Once on the road I began to lighten up a bit especially in a car where I didn't really know anyone. It was a long trip to a new camp the Church had bought for us girls. I had the amazing chance to be a YCL this year, you get to be one for your 5th and 6th year. You are a Youth Leader that is picked to be over a certain cabin all week. I happen to have 3rd years. Sister Redding was my cabin mom. I would certainly argue that I did have the best cabin in all of camp. Most definitely the most mature of the 3rd years. And absolutely no drama, everyone fit perfectly together. As part of my duties as a YCL I was required to take charge in the morning, after our leaders left for the regular morning meeting, and have morning devotional. Something I was absolutely terrified of doing. The first day was really rough, but everyone understood. The next morning, I taught about UNITY.

In Mosiah 18:21 it reads,

"And he commanded them that
there should be no contention one
with another, but that they should
look forward with one eye, having
one faith and one baptism, having
their hearts knit together in unity
and in love one towards another."

And I taught that I would enjoy my cabin to act as a cabin and be united. I only asked them to remain together in a group and be nice to each other. But, as the best cabin they just had to take it about a hundred steps farther than I ever anticipated. One night in particular, all the YCL's had set up obstacle courses for each year. I was in charge of 3rd years along with another YCL. They had to have a stick attached to there ankle with a string, then had to drag the stick along without hitting of the obstacles or they had to restart. The trick was that the person could enlist help by grabbing each others sticks and walking from one side of the obstacle to the other. After a couple people tried they did eventually find out how to do it, people began to pair up and everyone was going through the obstacle. I came to the realization that my cabin had not been through, and as I turned around, I see that my cabin was lined up cabin mom and cabin helper, all nine of them, grabbing each others sticks and walking together, as a cabin. I was very touched that they stood united, and enjoyed it. From that point on my entire attitude about camp changed, and it went amazing. I didn't want to return home, but I had no choice.

Raining in June?

I love this weather. If Redding was like this every year, no doubt, I wouldn't mind living here for the rest of my life. I love the Rain.
Life is hectic. But, school is out, so thats a plus. I have work for over the summer so I might be able to get ahead for next year, which would definitely lighten my load. Working for my dad part time. I love doing what I do. And the fact that I don't have to deal with certain people is a huge plus. Church is great. Though I'm having a dificult time adjusting to being the oldest inn YW. Its been like that for a year but I always had to my leaders to lean on. But the presidency has changed and they are now encouraging us, as Young Women, to lead the YW program. To think of it, its a fantastic idea, but I'm not enjoying it too much strictly because I've always been the youngest, and haven't really had someone to look up too. Although, I have older siblings, there's no way I would willingly walk in the same path any of them have chosen. I've been told in discussions that I should make my own path and be a person that people would look up too, not the other way around. I agree for the most part, and I think I've done very well at that, but sometimes, I just wish I had someone to really admire and look up too. Someone I know, not just a church figure that I've never known.
Recently, I've discovered some things that are difficult to deal with. And its a drastic moment in my life that I know that I'm not dealing with correctly but I don't want to be the first one to break the silence. I'm having such a hard time being at home, with the problem, that I'm losing faith. I'm surrounded with this burden constantly and I can't tell anyone. Its hard, and I am finding that its too much sometimes.
Everything else is great though.
Stake presidency changed, and I couldn't ask for a greater man to be Stake President. (But getting a meeting with him is hard).
Stake Young Womens Presidency changed as well and I couldn't be happier. Its a fantastic group of people.
Change is happening as always, but there's a lot more thats going to be happening and I'm not sure how I'm gonna take it. But I'll deal with it when the time is right.

"Because of Christ there is hope smiling brightly before you, and you need not worry too much about sickness, death, poverty, or other afflictions. The Lord will take care of you. Your responsibility is to keep the commandments, feast upon the words of Christ, and stay in the path to your heavenly home."
--Julie B. Beck

Winter. Best time of the year.

I turned 16!
I've never been into the whole big birthday party thing. So for the past 6 years, I've never done a thing for my birthday. But since I got into snowboarding, my wish for my 16th birthday was to go boarding at Park City.
Fail. haha.
But I went Snowboarding with friends from church, and they really made the day special to me. I really tend to take those people for granted. I love 'em.
All in all, being 16 is great.
I say that because, a month after my birthday, I got my license. FREEDOM! Wait, no car... Limited Freedom. I'm never late to things anymore. Which has always been a pet-peeve of mine since my mom could never get me to places on time. I was tired of being wrapped in Mormon Standard Time. ha.
Couple days after I got my license, my youngest nephew turned a year old. He started walking during Christmas Break. Its fun to see these milestones come and go.
Since then, things have been busy. Mostly school.
I miss my Family, as always, they lie near and dear to my heart.
2010 has been good so far. Can't wait to see what lies ahead.