You've just been Gibb slapped!

Knuckle popping. A habit I have had since the day I was born. My brothers and sister did it. I remember sitting in Sacrament popping my dad's just because it was fun. My mom doesn't do it, but she's never made a big deal about it. It feels great, it's like instant relief for the hands. I have never ever thought that somebody could be so disgusted by it. Never.

There's a first for everything.

I remember that first. Tracy had come over with her daughters for a brief moment to say hi to me. I remember that day - such a great day. It's the simple things, it really is. Anyways, it was semi-awkward 'cause well...I'm awkward. It's normal. One of the kids cracked their knuckles and all of sudden it's a big deal. "Please stop it! You know how much I hate that." Of course that led to every child doing it just to pinch a nerve in Mom. It was funny, and I sat there thinking to myself, 'Crap, I don't want her to yell at me.' (And when I say yell, I really mean using a stern voice candy coated will loads of love. We teenagers know how to over-exaggerate.) I made a comment about it too, and she flat out told me she would say something to me if I did it around her. I never expected to spend much time with her anyways, so I wasn't too worried, but the memory of the conversation is as fresh in my mind as when the words were spoken. It's all there.

Imagine that I end up spending the majority of my Thanksgiving break around her and her family. Then I was asked to stay at their house for the following week. As much as I thought they all did NOT want me there. I went. Throughout the week the original conversation replayed in my head, and I tried real heard to respect how she felt about cracking knuckles. But, I slacked off. GASP. Not a word was said to me though. I know that she had to have heard it a couple times and I'm sure it hit a nerve. But not a peep, not once. Well, not to me. For all I know she went into her room each night and stuck pins into a Chanae VooDoo doll.

One of the last days, I was sitting in the kitchen and all the kids were home and one of then cracked their knuckles. Bam! "Stop doing that! You know how much I HATE that!" The whole week flooded back to me and if I wasn't surrounded by a bunch of people and if I knew I wouldn't have made a scene I would have gladly banged my head against the wall. How could I be so thoughtless? Of course she's not going to get after me. What was I thinking?! I felt horrible about it, I was so mad at myself.

At the beginning of this year I said to myself, I need to stop. If it bugs someone that much, then okay, I'll at least try. I've been needing to anyways, just never had a reason. I have made it successfully 8 whole days without purposefully popping my knuckles. Hooray for me, right? No, not really. Somehow through this whole process I've formed this image that if I even THINK about doing it, I get Gibb slapped.

I can never win.

But, I guess there really is a first. For everything.

Clark Kent

My greatest ambition is to be Clark Kent. Do the world some good, provide hope for the hopeless, and be able to do it unnoticed.
I've found that losing myself in the good of others is the only thing that makes me happy, truly happy. "For it is in giving that we receive."

As great as super powers are, I wouldn't want super powers. No, I'd love to be that person who knows how to use average skills in extraordinary ways. People who actually do do that, those people are the reason ideas like Superman exist, the reason why there is hope among the hopeless. But most importantly, they're humble about it. It's rather admirable, what those people do.

Today, though, I was walking through Costco and from the moment I got near the flowers I could hear a baby wailing from somewhere in the store. I've been in that position, and after a couple minutes trying everything to make the kid stop, your face turns into stone. You call yourself every name in the book because you thought that this one time it might go well. I've also been in the position where I wish I could just do something, I feel for whoever is going through that.

So, I'm walking through the store and like any mother, mine stops to look at the books, which leaves me to wander around. I now know exactly where I can get a gallon of mayonnaise, a years worth of gum, or my favorite, 500 feet of aluminum foil. I mean, seriously? The gum yes, but aside from the tin-foil hat wearers, who needs that much of aluminum foil?!

As I'm wandering I hear this wailing child get closer and closer, and I round a corner to the mother in the middle of scolding this red face watery eyed bald baby, who is no more than a year old. The mother, of course, didn't see me at all so I casually followed them down the isle making little smiley faces to this baby. About a minute later we were about to enter into the main isle, they were turning left and I was going right. As we were separating, I waived to this kid and the biggest smile spread across his face, he let out a giggle, and his hand shot up to waive back. I walked off but I glanced back and saw the mother with a very surprised look on her face, searching the faces of dozens of people who could have possibly made her day. Now, I'm not saying I did that, but it would have made mine.

I didn't hear anyone crying the rest of the time I was at Costco.

It's moments like those that I live for. It didn't cause me much work, if any, and hopefully it made someone a bit happier. I know it made me happy.

Opportunities similar to this happen all the time and we don't necessarily notice that they are, in some way, a heroic act. Things as simple as telling a person that you're thinking of them or telling them that you care, can often change a persons outlook on that day or even life in general. What I find special to me, is when a person can spend the time to write and send a letter. I feel that they genuinely care because they took that time, and in this day and age, time is so limited. It's always the simple things that make a difference and I believe that.

Although I don't have super powers, I know that I can do a good deed here and there. Not exactly at the level I would like too, but it's my only hope that it gets passed on.

I've never been a fan of capes, but I do enjoy wearing my black rimmed glasses as often as I can.

Sticky Notes

I have a sticky note I wrote on New Years day 2010 that says, 'Did you change this year?', it's stuck to my wall and I get glance at it whenever I sit at my desk. Which is quite frequent, so the question is always in my head.
When I wrote it, I was planning on taking a more physical attitude to the challenge. Little did I know, I would change who I was.

I have sticky notes stuck everywhere around my room, but there's one in particular that's most special to me. I have it on my wall next to my New Years note and it's the best advice I've been given within this last year. Be strong and do the hard thing. It was written in a letter, that I read whenever I'm feeling down or need advice. Who better to have written that letter than the person who single-handedly caused me to re-think everything about myself. The person I'll gladly blame for allowing me to say, "Yes, I did change this year."

Through honestly, the hardest time of my life to date, that person came storming in with a humble heroic fashion and provided me an example of what I need in my life. I didn't have to prove anything. They were there for me. They asked questions when I would talk to them about my worries and struggles. They'd ask, is that what you want when you're older? I was getting asked about what I wanted rather than having to listen to how it should be. Slowly, but surely, I had a reason to be happy, I had a full life ahead of me to look forward to, because for the first time ever, I could see the possibilities. I know what I want now. So, because of one person and a big heart, I'm different. There's no doubt though that I had influences of all sorts from the people who are in my life today.

I find that trials and adversity comes no matter if the timing is right. It's gonna happen. Chances are, we need it and it's our time to shine. I've learned that more this year than ever before.

We're only given what we can handle, but the most important thing I've learned, is that it's not necessary to endure these struggles alone. I would have never learned that, had it not been for the person who wrote me that letter.

On my last sticky note that I see as I shut my computer off each night, is a quote by David O. McKay - Man's success or failure, happiness or misery, depends upon what he seeks and what he chooses.

That One Family

My mom plays the organ in church, and I don't sit with my dad. So, for the last 6 months I sit alone for Sacrament meeting. I enjoy looking around and watching a father and mother trying with all their might to shut their kids up, or creating a barrier at each end of the bench so they can't run off. Or my personal favorite, when the kid realizes they can crawl UNDER the benches, and it takes the parents too long to see that. By that point it's too late and they're off. Then the parents are walking briskly, trying to be reverent, to catch up to them before they make it up to the pulpit.

There I sit, alone, watching all these families go through this hassle every week, and I enjoy it probably a bit too much.

Lately I've been going to another ward where my friend lives, and I always get asked to come on the good Sundays, when the Martins are in town.

I drive myself, and with the last 5 years of my mom driving me everywhere and being late to everything, I have this new obsession with being early, always.

The last Sunday I went, I sat in the very back, having a slight panic attack. Then I hear someone say something in the foyer, and I know the Martins are here. Finally, someone I know. Tracy walks in and says, "Come on, sit with us."

Of course, I felt bad because I was stealing mom's Right side, which only left her Left side, for three girls to fight over.
Testimony meeting started and on the left of me, I had Mom and Daughter whispering and laughing, to my right I had two Sisters laughing about something Elder Miller was doing from across the room.

So, there I sit, smack dab in the middle of it. It was great. I absolutely loved it.

But what topped it off, was towards the end of the meeting, when Tracy put her arm around me, just like she had done to her daughter the entire hour. I've never felt like I've belonged anywhere like I did at that moment. I'm not sure I could ever top the way I felt then. For the first time in 6 months, I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was sitting there with my family, with the people I love and care about.

There's always that person, or that family, that just means the world to you.
I've found mine.

When we reach the end of ourselves.

I hope you know you're not the only one who feels the way you feel. You are not the only one who struggles. You are not the only one with questions. You deserve to be heard, to be known. You deserve love.

You deserve love.

You deserve a place that feels like home. You deserve someone to pull you past the broken moments, to catch you when you fall. To be told that you exist, that you change a room, that your presence is significant. Ears to hear you, hear your stories, hear you laugh. To hear your questions, and to say they matter.

Your questions matter.


Your story is one that was written with purpose. It’s still being written. Sometimes we suffer. Sometimes we stumble, we fall, and we can’t see how we can possibly get up. Our hearts break, our world seems to get darker, we feel alone. But through those struggles you learn and you grow. You figure out who you are.

It's fun to watch yourself grow. When you can look back, maybe a year, and see what has changed.
For the positive, for the negative? That's always the interesting part.
Maybe, we've learned to love unconditionally or we have hope, a reason, for once in our life.

I know, for myself, that if certain things hadn't taken place then I'd be the same person, no goals, no ambition, no hope. But, I know now that despite feeling quite alone in this very large world, I'm not alone. I've always known that we're only given what we can handle, but I've learned that it's not necessary to go through trials, alone. I've learned this through a single person who has helped me grow, through countless ways.

We have to choose to ask for help when we reach the end of ourselves. If I hadn't, I would have never learned the things I had learned. Things that significantly alter my opinion, views, and thoughts

Emmet Fox said, "Any difficulties that can come to you at anytime, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson."

Think Pink!

It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
My favorite thing to support!
NorCal Think Pink pretty much takes over Redding for a day. On the third Thursday in October, volunteers dress up in all pink and take over the town post office and MD imagining downtown.
It's a 14 year city tradition.


I just ordered this awesome shirt to support.




This year means more to me than any in the past. I recently found out that an old Primary teacher was diagnosed with breast cancer in July of this year. I've read her posts. Her fear is admirable. Her strength is incredible. Her faith is inspiring. She has a young daughter and a wonderful husband who support her through it all. Along with all the friends from church who kneel down and pray for her recovery, each night. It's touching to see people supporting each other, and I love it.

I wear pink for all the warriors, do you?

A small epiphany.

"There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith."
Gordon B. Hinckley

I'll be the first to admit, that I sometimes lose faith. Within the past couple months, I can only point out one time when I was truly, deep inside myself, happy. It was a three week period where I totally consumed myself in a Stake-wide Young Womens project. The amount of work and the difficulty this would take quickly come to my realization. But as President David O. McKay said, “Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.” Who would have thought? I love making people happy, but I think I've finally found a way to make others happy and grateful, as well as myself. I'm almost positive it's the only thing out there that can accomplish such a task.

Through all that, I was able to get away from the worries and stresses I had about being at home. I would go to bed filled with gratitude, and wake up thinking of ways to make it better. I remained focused on completing something, that I had desperately hoped, would make my Young Womens President feel appreciated for the hard work she had done, and just...for her. She deserved a gift that came from the heart. That was all that was important to me. There were days where my ward YW president would have to comfort me and say, "She'll love it." But it was difficult to believe it, because it meant so much to ME, it was a good idea to ME. But, not every person is similar. So I worried, like I do with everything and everyone.

I began to wonder if that's why I struggle with completing a task. It may seem great to ME. But what about the person it's for, who it matters too. Sometimes, I give up, because I know, or think I know, that they really wouldn't have enjoyed it.
It all leads to trusting, believing, having faith. Sometimes it's a bit hard to have. So there's another thing I've got to work on.
I'm learning a lot about myself within the year 2010. I need to decide NOW what I want LATER.

Despite my worries it turned out great. I learned more from that than any type of educational system I've been through. I wasn't getting away from the stresses at home and I wasn't ignoring them, but I found that I had a way to deal with them.

I appreciate my leaders. Especially those who stick by you even when they move, or get released. Those people matter most. They're the ones who deserve the most, but rarely get the bare minimum.

They are strength, love, and comfort.
Why I have the privilege to interact with the select few I'm talking about, I don't know. But I know I must have done something right, things like that just don't happen.

Sophomore Final.

I know I posted one story about it last year. But this is my much better written version of my Uncle Tim's accident in Moab, this was my Final for my last semester while a Sophomore. Not perfect, but I HATE writing, so I do the best I can. Hope you enjoy.

The repetitive morning routine couldn’t put a damper on my mood. Sleeping in the corner of the room on the floor was no bother. I’d wake up, check my phone, check on my three cousins sprawled out all over the room, and then I would get ready. Once ready, I would pull a chair up to the windowsill, face it east, and prop my feet up. I would watch the sunrise every morning while I was in Moab. I was going through a hard time before this trip during Spring Break, had come up. Every morning I had the sun rise to reflect upon the blessings that I was receiving. The contrast from a dark morning to the gradual light over the mountains was almost exactly how I was feeling. I was in a dark place, I had often asked myself, “Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?”, and since this trip, there had come a light that seemed to break over me.

The colors of the sunrise would just be those extra blessing I was receiving: our safety, laughter, family, friendship, life, and love. Then the sun rising itself would equal to the general aspect of my life. The sun rises with a complex mixture of science and although it looks real simple, the complexity of it is beyond anyone’s capability of thinking. As I was sitting there thinking of the recent days it was easy to smile to myself, there was no force, it was natural. I began thinking that with the overwhelming amount of family, friends, fun and love I had had that possibly it was like the sun. Love, family, friends and fun were my complex system of sciences that would make me capable of getting up every day with a smile on my face.

Once the sun had risen, my Uncle Tim would walk out from his room, wake his kids and instead of waiting for all of them to get up, he and I would walk to the conference room where the hotel provided a breakfast. There we would also meet up with another family that was joining us that week, the Shelley’s. Both families would gather, eat and then we would decide where we would go riding that day. Today was different. It was our last day in Moab. My Uncle had some family friends that had moved, years prior to this, down to this area. We were to load up our hotel room, check out, do our last bit of shopping, meet that family and then head out to the trail. In our hurry that morning we forgot to say our morning family prayer. After loads of material from our hotel room, running back and forth and up and down three flights of stairs we were ready to go shopping. After a short half hour of locating our desired items, we packed up again and drove down the street to meet up with the family that had moved down here, the Barrett’s.

Onion Creek, the trail that was talked about all week. It was to be the easiest, and simplest of the trails we would embark upon all week. Just the day before, we conquered the riding area, Hells Revenge, the trail names alone should be able to tell the difference in difficulty. Onion Creek was also a dirt road, a road that cars drove on in a valley area to get to multiple camp sites. The anticipation almost controlled our actions as we unloaded the Quads and Dirt Bikes. After some time we began our ride. In all, we had about 20 vehicles. The leader was my Uncle Tim, his youngest daughter, me, his wife, and ending our long line was the father of the Barrett family in his Jeep with his wife and two children. From beginning to end, we were to cross Onion Creek 27 times, through a valley area, turn around and retrace our route in order to get back to where we began. Around mile 5 we all gathered together to see how everyone was and get an update; something my Uncle makes sure to do each time he rides with a group. After everyone had confirmed they were ready to go, we started out again. After riding a few hundred feet, Uncle Tim stood up and looked back to make sure all was well and then the unthinkable happened.

I remember glancing back as he did, then looking up ahead of me. The images will be forever embedded into my memory. The front tires rolling off the edge of the cliff, dust, and my Uncle’s feet. My cousin in front of me stopped and got off her ATV as she realized what had happened. My instinctive reactions came out in full force and I hopped off my dirt bike, told my cousin to stop screaming in terror, and I began to run. I ran down a hill stripping off every unnecessary item I had on: my backpack, helmet, goggles, and gloves. Within a minute or two I had sprinted down a hill, slid down a 70 degree slanted slope, run an additional 10 feet, jumped down five feet to the bottom of the cliff, and then run another 30 feet to where my Uncle was. The first thing I remember seeing was Uncle Tim lying face down in the water. The thoughts that ran through my mind were along the lines of, “He can’t be dead” or “He’s fine!”, but when that’s the first thing you see, and you put all things into consideration, how could he be “just fine”? By this time my cousin, Kameron, Tim’s only son, had caught up to me. We raced to my Uncle who was lying face down in the water. Kameron got to him first and flipped him over. Together we pulled him out of the water, and onto the embankment. Thankfully the stream was only six inches deep. He was unconscious while we were pulling him out and was not breathing. The thoughts that went through my head when I realized this, was hard to accept. Kameron informed me that the best idea was to take his helmet off. We fought for a quick moment on whether or not that was actually the best idea, not knowing the full extent of his injuries, then I finally gave in. While pulling his helmet off, he became conscious. I can remember him looking back and forth at Kameron and me as we talked about what we should do. When he finally made a noise, relief washed over me. Although I was already calm and collected, the relief seemed more of an acknowledgement that everything would be okay. Tina, Uncle Tim’s wife, rushed down the hill to our side. Kameron and I backed off to let her talk to him so she would be reassured he was alright for the time being.

The bonding that my cousin and I had just shared was quickly swept away by the overwhelming smell of gasoline. In the hurry to get down to Uncle Tim we had completely forgotten about his ATV, which miraculously laid nearly 12 feet from where my Uncle was lying. The ATV lying on its side, seat completely detached, and its front left wheel nearly torn off, showed that it took the full force of the fall. We decided that since it was leaking gasoline that the best idea was to flip it right side up. As soon as that was done, we weren’t sure what to do next. Kameron decided he would go and reassure the group of what was happening and to move the ATV’s and dirt bikes to a better location instead of in the road. While that was being taken care of, my Uncle’s oldest daughter, Taylor, drove to a spot where she could get cell reception and called for an ambulance.

Being a physical therapist, my Uncle was able to explain what he thought was broken and the best way position him for the most comfortable position in the current situation. Physically I was there, but emotionally I wasn’t. It seemed like some other being was controlling me, which by all means was perfectly fine, because I was able to be emotionally strong for my family. He believed his pelvis was broken and we needed to prop up one leg for him to be comfortable. We definitely felt lucky that the seat from his ATV had fallen off because it was the perfect shape and size that we needed. A lot of the positions required items to prop his arms up or his neck. I became the messenger during the wait for the ambulance to come, but I made sure I didn’t step far away from my Uncle’s side, because it was too much for me to handle. Not knowing what was happening.

It seemed like hours before any medical help arrived and when they did I was scooted away. The EMT’s needed space for them to do their jobs correctly and making sure everyone, except Uncle Tim’s wife, was away guaranteed that there would be no interruptions. I rejoined our group and looked people directly in the eye instead of beating around the bush. There was a very gloomy feeling blanketing our group and as I encountered that feeling, I began cracking jokes, in order to lighten the feeling. It helped, but we all were thinking the same thing in the back of our mind. In no time they had Uncle Tim on a stretcher and some guys from our group to help carry him up to the ambulance. Shortly after, the Life Flight Helicopter arrived to pick him up and fly him to the nearest hospital in Grand Junction, Colorado.

The drive to Grand Junction was a sad ordeal. We sang church hymns to bring the Spirit into the car so we would receive comfort. It helped to a great extent. We made phone calls to a couple people to let them know what was going on. Then they called around and let other family and friends know; and the word spread. After hours in the car we finally made it to Grand Junction and eventually found our way to St. Mary’s Hospital there. I was coated in mud from my shins down and still soaked in water, as was my Aunt. We found out that Uncle Tim had been moved from the ER to ICU. All of us cousins sat in the hallway in front of the ICU doors so we could get news immediately about him. He was doing well. After we all seen him and knew that he was okay we made our way to the home the hospital has for patients’ families, which was just a block from the hospital. We took turns taking showers and winding down from an emotionally stressful day.

Aunt Tina went back to the hospital for the night. My younger cousins stayed in the room and watched TV. My older cousin walked around and talked to friends on the phone. I gave my parents and best friend, Philip, a call. The shock began to wear off while talking to my parents, and I was an unstable emotional mess. When I finally got on the phone with Philip, he was able to calm me down and really comfort me. He didn’t try to make me laugh, but he seemed to know what to say that would help me get through the ordeal until I was able to get home.

After getting off the phone I remember I found a chair and moved it away from the entrance of the building. In my daze I didn’t realize what I was facing until I came out of it. Once I did, I realized I was watching the sun set and I remembered what I was thinking just that morning, something that seemed months earlier rather than just a few hours ago. The sunset was almost majestic as it receded over the snow capped mountains. I began to think to myself, “Why not me? Why would I wish this pain upon another family, another person?” Maybe I didn’t deserve this, but I had a life prepared for things like this to happen and I had enough strength to endure to the end. In the long run, this was a blessing in my life. After my pain, sadness and shock wore off completely, I turned those thoughts into action and began to comfort my cousins because I knew that was needed desperately while their mother was tending to their father. That’s how it was the rest of the days in Grand Junction.
“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.” -Oscar Wilde.

Girls Camp 2010 - We are all enlisted.

On Monday I left for Girls Camp. The morning that I left I was probably in the worst mood ever. And at the end of the week I was in the same mood. But for two entirely different reasons. Once on the road I began to lighten up a bit especially in a car where I didn't really know anyone. It was a long trip to a new camp the Church had bought for us girls. I had the amazing chance to be a YCL this year, you get to be one for your 5th and 6th year. You are a Youth Leader that is picked to be over a certain cabin all week. I happen to have 3rd years. Sister Redding was my cabin mom. I would certainly argue that I did have the best cabin in all of camp. Most definitely the most mature of the 3rd years. And absolutely no drama, everyone fit perfectly together. As part of my duties as a YCL I was required to take charge in the morning, after our leaders left for the regular morning meeting, and have morning devotional. Something I was absolutely terrified of doing. The first day was really rough, but everyone understood. The next morning, I taught about UNITY.

In Mosiah 18:21 it reads,

"And he commanded them that
there should be no contention one
with another, but that they should
look forward with one eye, having
one faith and one baptism, having
their hearts knit together in unity
and in love one towards another."

And I taught that I would enjoy my cabin to act as a cabin and be united. I only asked them to remain together in a group and be nice to each other. But, as the best cabin they just had to take it about a hundred steps farther than I ever anticipated. One night in particular, all the YCL's had set up obstacle courses for each year. I was in charge of 3rd years along with another YCL. They had to have a stick attached to there ankle with a string, then had to drag the stick along without hitting of the obstacles or they had to restart. The trick was that the person could enlist help by grabbing each others sticks and walking from one side of the obstacle to the other. After a couple people tried they did eventually find out how to do it, people began to pair up and everyone was going through the obstacle. I came to the realization that my cabin had not been through, and as I turned around, I see that my cabin was lined up cabin mom and cabin helper, all nine of them, grabbing each others sticks and walking together, as a cabin. I was very touched that they stood united, and enjoyed it. From that point on my entire attitude about camp changed, and it went amazing. I didn't want to return home, but I had no choice.

Raining in June?

I love this weather. If Redding was like this every year, no doubt, I wouldn't mind living here for the rest of my life. I love the Rain.
Life is hectic. But, school is out, so thats a plus. I have work for over the summer so I might be able to get ahead for next year, which would definitely lighten my load. Working for my dad part time. I love doing what I do. And the fact that I don't have to deal with certain people is a huge plus. Church is great. Though I'm having a dificult time adjusting to being the oldest inn YW. Its been like that for a year but I always had to my leaders to lean on. But the presidency has changed and they are now encouraging us, as Young Women, to lead the YW program. To think of it, its a fantastic idea, but I'm not enjoying it too much strictly because I've always been the youngest, and haven't really had someone to look up too. Although, I have older siblings, there's no way I would willingly walk in the same path any of them have chosen. I've been told in discussions that I should make my own path and be a person that people would look up too, not the other way around. I agree for the most part, and I think I've done very well at that, but sometimes, I just wish I had someone to really admire and look up too. Someone I know, not just a church figure that I've never known.
Recently, I've discovered some things that are difficult to deal with. And its a drastic moment in my life that I know that I'm not dealing with correctly but I don't want to be the first one to break the silence. I'm having such a hard time being at home, with the problem, that I'm losing faith. I'm surrounded with this burden constantly and I can't tell anyone. Its hard, and I am finding that its too much sometimes.
Everything else is great though.
Stake presidency changed, and I couldn't ask for a greater man to be Stake President. (But getting a meeting with him is hard).
Stake Young Womens Presidency changed as well and I couldn't be happier. Its a fantastic group of people.
Change is happening as always, but there's a lot more thats going to be happening and I'm not sure how I'm gonna take it. But I'll deal with it when the time is right.

"Because of Christ there is hope smiling brightly before you, and you need not worry too much about sickness, death, poverty, or other afflictions. The Lord will take care of you. Your responsibility is to keep the commandments, feast upon the words of Christ, and stay in the path to your heavenly home."
--Julie B. Beck

Winter. Best time of the year.

I turned 16!
I've never been into the whole big birthday party thing. So for the past 6 years, I've never done a thing for my birthday. But since I got into snowboarding, my wish for my 16th birthday was to go boarding at Park City.
Fail. haha.
But I went Snowboarding with friends from church, and they really made the day special to me. I really tend to take those people for granted. I love 'em.
All in all, being 16 is great.
I say that because, a month after my birthday, I got my license. FREEDOM! Wait, no car... Limited Freedom. I'm never late to things anymore. Which has always been a pet-peeve of mine since my mom could never get me to places on time. I was tired of being wrapped in Mormon Standard Time. ha.
Couple days after I got my license, my youngest nephew turned a year old. He started walking during Christmas Break. Its fun to see these milestones come and go.
Since then, things have been busy. Mostly school.
I miss my Family, as always, they lie near and dear to my heart.
2010 has been good so far. Can't wait to see what lies ahead.

If anyone should hurt you

(I read this and it just hit a certain spot. Thought I'd share.)

Author: Unknown

If anyone should ever hurt you
And say a thing unkind,
Remember what I tell you,
And keep these things in mind.

For everyone who makes you cry,
There are three who make you smile,
And a smile will last a long, long time,
But a tear just a little while.

If someone says a thing that’s cruel,
Don’t let it get to you.
There’s so much good about you,
And your faults are very few.

So if a certain someone
Should act a certain way,
Just think of those who love you
And don’t let it ruin your day.

Don’t let someone who hates the world
Cause you to hate it too,
For behind the clouds is a golden sun,
And a sky that’s bright and blue.

You basically just screwed yourself over.

So basically, my teacher just loved this essay tons. Even told me I had just screwed myself over for setting my standards high already. So, I thought I'd post it on here to share.


Colorful Life


The other day at church I as sitting there and my dad handed me some of the newer Crayola crayons he had found earlier that day. He told me, “Here, draw something, so you’re not so very, very bored.” Of course he was joking but I grabbed them and said thanks. I grabbed a piece of paper and a book, pulled out a color and then stopped. I then realized I had nothing to draw. I couldn’t rack something up in my head to draw. It made me stop and think.
When did we lose the kid in us? The simplicity of life? When did our dreams of being a doctor, vet, pilot, fireman, and police officer, stop? Of course, people continue on with that dream and make those things their careers. Others may come up with something that they would rather do. More often it was just too hard of a goal for some people. Any goal should be something you have to work for. It also has to have meaning to you, because nothing would be worth doing if it didn’t mean a thing to you. That’s something I really admire about children. They can be so determined and nothing will stop them, and when they complete a task, they feel so great about it. For me I can finish the task of homework and feel relieved that I’m finally done with it. Although I worked hard on it, I don’t feel the need to congratulate myself.
Children in general are just amazing and they blow me away on a regular basis. Like my nephew, Kameron, for example; A couple months ago my dad took me, my mom, and Kameron for a drive. It was the first time Kameron was able to sit in a truck tall enough where he could look out the window. As we drove through a canyon area he could see the way the sun and the trees would cast a shadow on the road and he could see the trees flying by in a blur and the entire time we drove he would yell “whee” and “whoa”. You could just tell that this was all new to him and in order to take it in himself he had to make sure he exclaimed his feelings out loud for everyone to hear. Well, where is my exclamation for what I’m seeing? I was able to see everything that he saw. I wasn’t able to see it in the same way he saw it though. He saw it as something new and incredible. I saw it as something I see every day. So, is there no joy and admiration for what I’m seeing? There is, but it’s nothing new and somewhat boring.
There’s this song and in the first verse it says “Yesterday, when you were young. Everything you needed done was done for you. Now you do it on your own.” Sometimes you think that you had to grow up in one day and it really does seem like that. Where did the time go? Why do we have the responsibilities that we have when we didn’t yesterday.
In the bridge of the song it says, “But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.” That statement is so true. You can go your entire life having everyone do everything for you, but you wouldn’t feel all that great about yourself. You, yourself, would have accomplished nothing.
The crayon that I had pulled out was a black one. I colored the page solid grey. It looked so boring and there was nothing to it. If you give a child a box of crayons you would instantly have lines of all different colors on it. They would proudly walk over to you, once finished, and with a big smile on their face, hand it to you. You just know that they are so proud of that. Eventually that piece of paper with colorful lines will be thrown away and eventually replaced with a sheet of grey crayon. As I’ve grown up, I’ve lost the color to life, somewhere along the line it was faded away.

Its like a vacation while on vacation?

So this last weekend I got to meet this family. The Barnard Family. I'm not sure if thats what there whole family's last name is, but thats what I'm gonna call them. My cousin EriAnn has this best friend, Maddie, someone I've been talking to a lot lately. She's in Idaho for the summer helping her Aunt, and my cousin would just talk and talk about much she misses her. Because my cousin and I talk a lot and she's also in Utah with me. So, Maddie tell's Eriann that she's gonna be in Utah for a couple days and we decided to meet up. EriAnn missed her very much so we made it possible to see her through my amazing Aunt Tina. I love her to death and I owe her so much.
Before we left to go to Provo, my Aunt Tina picked us up and we had to go to her reunion for a while. uhh...her mom can talk. and talk. and talk. its was kind of dreadful. And we were only there for about 20 minutes before we realized we had to go. Thank goodness...uh huh.
I've never met Maddie. Just talked to her a lot. We had decided to pull my cousin Kameron along with us which made this all really fun. We pulled up to the house Maddie was staying at and EriAnn ran up to Maddie as she walked out the front door. They hugged for a couple minutes, something Kameron and I bet on would happen. so yeah, you know, its completely understandable. Maddie came down and gave me a hug. Which I would have to say was probably my favorite part of the night. It sounds weird. But I love hugs and when I give someone a hug I can tell weather or not its awkward for them...I can feel a lot of emotion in a hug I guess. I don't know how to explain it. But it was great. We went and chilled in the house before we left, we met her family, which was absolutely sick. I loved it. Especially her Uncle, the one that explained the entire first transformers movie to EriAnn in like 20 minutes, and did a really good job. ha. It was great. So, we're sitting in the theater, and we make Kam and Maddie sit next to each other. uhh...yeah. It ended up just being really really fun. i sat by annoying people, I got coughed on and sneezed on, and I do believe I lost hearing in my right ear because the girl had a high pitched laugh and would laugh at just about everything. We got back to the house and chilled in front and played tag and then talked then Taylor and Tyson came and picked us up.

It was probably the most incredible night i've had in a long time. I just had a blast. i'm bummed that they Maddie and Eriann live 10 hours away though. And Kameron 12. Its hard, but I'll live I guess.
I tend to get attached to really good people, so it's probably a good thing I don't live near them.


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Utah trip update? Yeah, sure.
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So, when I'm over at my uncles I tend to pull out this memory book of Moab some family made...It has a lot of pictures of my Uncles accident. I tend to sit there and try to remember anything that I would have forgotten. I've forgotten a lot about it that I've remembered while looking at the pictures. I guess that trip was more life changing than I thought. I have dreams about it all the time, all ending in a different way.
i just see things in a really different light now a days.

I'm missing my Nephew Kameron very much. Like, I won't sleep some nights because I know that he'd be sleeping in my bed at home. I just, am having a really hard time. Thats the only reason I want to go home now... He couldn't sleep the other day so my sister let him call me. I got to talk to him for a couple minutes. I started crying in the store, and when we were saying goodbye he started crying too... I don't know what it is about him, he can make my day and also ruin it...but I just love him very very much.


My dad's business is not doing well at all back home, I guess its good that I'm not there. I stress out too much when I hear about it all going down hill... I put it on to my shoulders and stress about it just as much as my dad.

It's quite fun here though. If you've never felt like your life was ever in in danger then I have a way for that to change. Get in the car and go for a back country road trip with my grandpa...ahh! That'll either put you on the edge of your seat, or you'll sit with your eyes closed the entire time.

Its been really fun. i've taken a lot of pictures and can't wait to post a lot of them.

it's good to see everyone.

You know whats crazy?

Is when that homesickness feeling really hits you.
My father, mother, and myself were sitting in the living room having a prayer to start our fast for this month, a fast for my dad business, which isn't so subtly going down the drain, for my Aunt Darla for safety on her mission, for my Uncle Tim and his family, among other things. When the talk about our family came into it all, it was a very unexpected feeling that I had. Nothing I'm really used too. I mean, I miss my family and all, and I've realized that I feel at home when I'm with them, no matter the location. But, its just weird. haha. I don't know. Maybe it was the spirit, cause I know that sometimes it can get to us, in pretty emotional ways. I'm horrible when it comes to that, being able to identify the spirit. The only time I'm really positive that I've ever had it with me was when the Tabernacle Choir came and sang for us in our church gym. When they sang 'God Be with you 'till we meet again', it was just absolutely incredible.
I miss my family, and I think I do better if I don't see them for a long time. I've seen them quite often lately and its like an addiction. For the love that I feel when I'm with them. I've never been more blessed thank to have the knowledge of the kind of love our family has.

Just recently, I had my Patriarchal Blessing. There is one paragraph that I'm trying to memorize.
We were talking about my Uncle crash after the blessing, and the Patriarchs only response was looking at me and saying, '"So thats what that meant."' What the heck? Of course I now know what he meant, and its incredible, mind blowing really, for me.

Today was pretty awesome. I saw my friend from Montana. I haven't seen her in a year. She's incredible, you couldn't ask for a better friend. I probably don't show my appretiation that I have for her as much as I should. I don't think I do that for anyone enough.
Something to work on.

Most memorable trip ever...Spring Break 2009-Utah

Below is the essay I had to write for my English Final. Its full of errors in every way possible. But I put my feelings into this like I have never done before. But, that is just about my Uncle Tim's accident. I'm gonna write the events before it and after it. Because you may not think that this could possibly be the best trip ever, after only reading about my point of View of Tim's accident. (This is a pretty long read.)

BEFORE...

Talk about the best phone call ever… I’m sitting there, discussing with my mom if I should go to Utah with my brother and spring break chillin with my Gramps. Sick. Well, that’s what I thought I would do. Then we call Uncle Tim to see if I could stay at his house for a couple days to spend time with his family. Now, I usually don’t pick favorites when it comes to people I care about, but Uncle Tim’s family is by far my most favorite, and don’t get me wrong I do love and respect everyone of my Aunts and Uncles families just the same, its just different when it comes to them, in my mind that is. My moms was talking to him and I was sitting on the floor waiting for the news. News was, that it was spring break there as well and they were going to Moab. I didn’t hear the conversation but I assume he invited me to come along or something, I don’t know, but I do know that I was scheduled to go with them. Sweet.

In order to get to Utah in time to go with them to Moab was rather difficult. The day before we left for Moab, my brother and I left, with my dirt bike in the back of the truck, to San Jose. Wait, San Jose? Yep, five hours in somewhat the opposite direction to a place where my brother had to draw out a job layout thing for work. Then we were gonna drive all the way to Utah, in hopes that we would make it in time. So we left home at about 4ish. The sun rise was incredible. Then Ian tells me he has to drive to a place to meet up with his boss and give him some stuff for work, adding about an hour and half to the trip. Okay, we finally get to the place Ian was supposed to do his layout, he did his thing and we left. About noon-ish now. So we leave get some lunch and get on the right freeway to get us onto the I-80. Somehow, along the way we got onto the wrong freeway/highway/interstate something, we were on the wrong road. We had to go through 40 miles of winding backroads through a little town called Cool, California. It was probably about 3 before we got onto I-80 again. We still hadn’t left California, but we were along the border. Then we hit a snow storm, that one was cool, really majestic. I thought we were doing well on time and so did Ian. We just drove and drove, didn’t stop in Reno like we would usually have done, just skipped a lot of places. We had gotten to Winnemuca at 11:30 P.M. stopped and got a pizza and just kept going. At some point we hit this incredibly large snow storm. That was scary cause it stayed with us all the way to Salt Lake. It was absolutely dreadful for me. I don’t sleep during trips anymore, plane, driving, anything, I won’t sleep unless I have no say in it, I used to but after a nearly tragic experience I won’t anymore. We reached Windover, right on the border at some time early, early in the morning. The snow stormed caused us to dive slower which added hours to the trip. I had mentioned the time change, at the gas station in Windover, something that Ian had completely forgotten about. Great. We got at Tim’s house at about 5AM. I was hyper, I could have stayed awake for hours, but apparently that floor mat and pillow were just too comfortable and I fell asleep within minutes. I had been up for more than 24 hours. I got up an hour and a half later, got dressed, just kind of woke up. I hadn’t been as happy as I was that morning in an extremely long time. We got everything taken care of, loaded up and I met Amy Shelley (awesome person), then we left for Moab. That was a fun trip, stayed awake the entire time as well. We got there, and it was cloudy, just kind of dull, and though everyone was telling me it usually looks so much better and that today it just didn’t look pretty, I thought it all looked pretty spectacular. We met up with the Shelley’s, a family who I had the fantastic opportunity to spend this trip with. We all walked around the shops, chilled at the hotel, ate dinner, then came back that night to all sit and watch Iron Man together…I think I made it about an hour before I curled up into the corner and fell asleep. I was wiped out. I woke up that next morning, watched the sun rise., had breakfast and got ready to go ride. I don’t remember the name of the trail but it took us up to Gemini Bridges. That was an awesome ride. We rode down below Gemini Bridges and then headed back. At the fork Tim got off and asked if I wanted to ride his ATV, ‘Huh? Are you serious?! Duh! Of course! Thanks!” We switched, and rode all the way back. Oh wow, that was awesome. There was a point where I hit a bump and got enough air to make me decide that I shouldn’t be the one to ruin and wreck his newer ATV. So yeah. We went back to the hotel, they went down to the pool, I showered, and took a nap. They came back and after a little bit, we all left to go to diner. After we split up, some went go carting and some went to a movie. Taylor, Tim, Tina, Kenzi, and myself went to the movie ‘KNOWING’. Stupidest movie of all time, though the blaming everything on Aliens was expected, the LDS twist at the end was not. Went to the hotel, fell asleep. Next morning, breakfast, then another ride. We decided to go on Hell’s revenge which obviously is a bit harder ride, so not all of us went, only Brian, Dan, Tim, Taylor, Tina, Kameron, and myself. That was a fun ride, but very draining, it pushed to limits I never thought I could go too. I can’t remember what we did that day after the ride, but I know we didn’t go on another ride, I think we just chilled and played games at the hotel room. Next morning, Saturday, the day we were gonna go home. Right before we met up with the Barrets, another family that lived down there that were invited to join us that day, we went to the store and got some T-shirts. Met the Barrets and all set out to Onion Creek, it was a later start than all the other days because we had packed everything from the hotel and checked out. The drive to Onion creek was so pretty…we had an awesome conversation on the way out about what animal we would be…Llama Taylor. Nice…ha. It had started out great that day, but I guess you can’t have enough of a good thing before it all goes wrong. We unloaded and headed out on the trail. We were about 5 miles out or so before it all happened…..

From Dreamlike to Nightmare

As we grouped up to make sure everyone was ok, I was just happy that I was just here with people I love and doing something that I was in love with doing. Uncle Tim started out after making sure that everyone was doing well. The order we were in was Uncle Tim leading, Kenzi following, me, and then Aunt Tina. I believe Taylor was behind her but I can’t be positive, but all I know was that there were a large number of vehicles and people within our group.

We were at Onion creek. I was already soaked to the bone and muddy from going in and out of all the streams. We had to go through the stream 27 times and then turn around and go through them again in order to get back to the cars. This was an extremely EASY road compared to the trails we had done in the days before.

As Tim looked back to check on us, as he always has done, the most unthinkable thing happened. I remember watching him stand up to see everyone uphill as the road slanted downhill, then he sat down, and then there was a massive cloud of dust. I couldn’t make it stick in my mind what had happened and yet at the same time I knew what happened. I came to a stop right behind Kenzi, as she was getting off her yellow quad and screaming loudly, “DADDY!” It was terrifying. I yelled at her to get back on her quad and stay put. Seconds after he disappeared I realized that it had been a cliff he went off, and there was no way he could have not fallen all the way down. All this happened within seconds. I started running down the hill, we had to run about 100 feet to get to a point where we had to slide down 5 feet at a 70 degree angle, and then run another 10-20 feet to jump down a 4 foot drop off, and then run about 50 feet to get to where Tim was lying. By the time I was to the 5 foot slide I had just taken my backpack off, I had slid down in a somersault. I ran to the drop off and had taken off and thrown my gloves, helmet, and goggles off. Kameron, my cousin, Tim’s son, was a good 20 feet ahead of me by then. The first thing I remember seeing was Tim lying face down in the water. The thoughts that ran through my mind were along the lines of, “he can’t be dead” or “He’s Fine!”, but when that’s the first thing you see, and you put all things into consideration, how could he be just fine?

I watched Kameron flip him over and started dragging Tim out of the water. I got there and got his helmet off as he was coming to. Kameron and I gripped him and pulled out of the water completely. At that moment there was some kind of connection placed over Kameron and I and I could no longer see Kameron as a cousin, but a brother. Tim was groaning and breathing by the time that Tina and Amy Shelley, a family friend that had come along on the trip, reached us. We got word that Jared Barrett, another friend, was going to drive his jeep down to where we were. Brian, Kameron, Tina, Amy, and I had nothing to do but stay there. We let Tina and Amy get everything calmed down while the three of us stood there doing whatever was asked. Then a slight breeze and the smell of gasoline consumed all of our attention. We looked behind us, about 12 feet, and there was his ATV. It was lying on its side, front left tire nearly snapped off. We could smell the gasoline coming out, and we decided that it would be best to flip onto the wheels.

We had no cell reception where we were at, so my cousin Taylor turned around and ran her ATV down to where she met up with Dan Shelley, who during this trip I became very respectful of him, I’m not sure why, but I think very highly of him, as well as his wife Amy. They are two people who I will never forget and even though I met them and knew them for only a couple days, I consider their family, my family. Taylor and Dan eventually got a call out to 911 and headed back.

It was the longest hour and a half of my life, but also the shortest. Within minutes of Jared being down there with his Jeep, he blessed Tim. It’s the one thing that will stick in my mind forever. That feeling, it’s not something that can be explained. Within what seemed a couple minutes of the finish of the blessing Tim was realizing what was happening and the pain was hitting him. And best of all, he was joking around with us.

Tim was the closest thing I had to a dad, if you didn’t count in my own dad. I knew that things were going to be ok. It was amazing to look at how everything was perfect. Where he landed and how unscratched he was. He fell off a 40 foot jagged cliff, landing face down in sand in a stream, between two 10-15 pound rocks, at least 12 feet from his quad. He broke a couple ribs, had lacerations to his spleen and liver. Some damage to his kidney. Some bones were fractured and/or broken in his lower back and he had what they called an Open Book Fracture on his pelvis, and a collapsed lunge. There was no damage to his helmet; he didn’t even have a headache. The only scratch on his body was from his elbow. There was nothing but bruises where his garments were worn.

I stood in the water for the entire time that I could. Not emotionally strong enough to leave his side, to leave two of the most important people in my life, my Uncle Tim and Aunt Tina. So what I did was what was asked of me from Tim, Tina, or Amy. I received jackets to keep him warmer, I helped move him around when he was uncomfortable, I held a shirt up to block the sun out of his face, they asked me anything and I did it. After a while we had some of the kids come over a few at a time to see for themselves that he was perfectly fine. A complete miracle for the fall he had just taken, just absolutely incredible.

Finally the paramedics showed up and I was booted away. And maybe about 30 minutes later they had him on a stretcher, carrying him to the ambulance. Aunt Tina asked me to grab the personal stuff of his left behind. Taylor and Kenzi came over to help. I handed Kenzi the Boots and loaded Taylor up with the Jackets and the clothes cut off from Tim. I packed up the EMT bag left behind and picked up the remaining items left on the ground. One of which was an empty film canister that seemed to be there for a reason, all I know is that it wasn’t there while my Uncle Tim laid there on the ground. So I had that all packed up, and walked to where the rest of the group was. That’s when the helicopter started circling around. It landed and they drove the ambulance near the helicopter so that they didn’t have to carry Tim all the way over.

Then the lady said that family could go over to see him. So Tina told me, Taylor, Kenzi, and Kameron to come along. Unfortunately, and to my disappointment, it was two too many. So I fell behind and the lady allowed the kids to come along. In order to not completely brake down, I had to keep doing something. So I walked down to where Tim was laying and pulled out the empty film canister and filled it with the same dirt that Tim had laid on, knowing that he was wanting to collect dirt from everywhere they had ridden, and knowing that he may want this dirt as well. I don’t know, I just figured.

As I walked back up to the hill, the shock was wearing off and I stood away from the group to watch Tina and my cousins watch Tim carried to the helicopter, I was jealous. I had felt that way when my sister Seona was giving birth to her oldest, Kameron, and my brother Kendon, had his friend in the delivery room, while Seona was about to give birth, and I was in the waiting room, I was the only sibling not in that room. But I was jealous as I watched from behind the scenes, the jealousy was caused from the fact that I was told to stay, when Jared was with the family taking pictures. But I had been told that I couldn’t. Plus, I was trying to be strong and not get them crying again. Then a lady walked past me and stopped and asked if I was with them, I told her yes and she said I could join them. Then I broke down. I couldn’t stand and watch Tim in front of me just fly away without us. How in the world could I stand and watch that and still be strong for the rest of my family. I knew I couldn’t. They lady gave me a hug and told me that they would understand and it would be ok. But though they would understand, I couldn’t let myself do that. They’d been through enough. It was there dad, not mine, after all. I couldn’t let them see this part of me; it wasn’t a part of me that any of them were used to. I wanted to be strong in front of them, to be an anchor they could go to if they needed me, but they had each other I was just a hassle brought along on this trip.

After the helicopter left with Tim to go to Grand Junction, CO we got onto our ATV’s and Dirt Bikes and drove back. Halfway on the way back Kameron, who was leading, stopped, got off his ATV and gave Kenzi a hug. Jealousy hit me in full while I watched this happen, because my brothers would never have done that for me. They would have just told me to suck up and deal with it, “you're fine!” you know. I’ve never had a relationship with my siblings to be anywhere near jealous of. So it was incredible to see that happen in front of my eyes, to see that a brother can’t comfort his sister in a time that is extremely stressful for the both of them. The respect I had for Kameron just kept on growing. We finally got to where we parked to cars. Brian, Kameron and I loaded the ATV’s in the trailer. Grabbed some clothes and left the rest to the Shelley’s and Barretts, the two families who were with us on that trail. We said our goodbye’s, we gave hugs, exchanges some last words, had a prayer for our safety and for some comfort, and then we headed off in the car to Grand Junction.

AFTER

I’d never been to Colorado, it sure is pretty. I wish that the first time I went to Colorado that it had been under a different situation, but it hadn’t. After all this happened I instantly regretted being there because I knew that this was extremely stressful for all of them, and just to have me there, I’m sure wasn’t that helpful. But I really wanted to be there for them all, although I wouldn’t really be much help. I remember Tina telling us that it would really comfort her if we could sing Primary songs. Kenzi started singing a few but none of us joined in because they weren’t really bringing the spirits up. We got to Book of Mormon stories and then a girls camp song, and it kind of died down after that. It was a really short drive and a really long drive too. At some point we started making phone calls to family to let them know what happened, and to fill in the rest of the family. I remember calling my dad, and was surprised at how calm he had taken it, I also remember calling Ian, and remembering how he didn’t even want to hear the whole thing. I was soaked to the bone from my shin down, and I knew that I didn’t have any shoes except for the water logged ones I had on. When we reached the hospital we found out that Tim had been moved from the ER to the ICU, which kind of lifted our spirits. Only two were allowed in at a time, I was the last one in. Walking into that room, and seeing Tim there was a little bit too much for me, and I had walked right out and cried, Taylor and Tim were probably was wondering what was wrong with me. A minute later I walked in again and talked with him. Of course he’s all doped up on drugs, so he felt great, he looked great too, compared to the previous time I had seen him. I gave him a hug, and we all left to go to the hospital home that they have set up for families of patient like us. It was neat. I spent the rest of the weekend sleeping on the floor, I was missing my bed, but I was also coming pretty used to the floor. Saturday was just stressful, when we got there we all took showers then just stayed in the area. I went out and talked to my dad, the called Philip…Philip, you are truly an amazing and incredible friend, there’s no person on this planet like him. Tina had left to stay with Tim, she ended up staying there until about 4AM then came back to the room. I woke up at about 6. We all went to the hospital, then Taylor and I tried to find the Safeway, it took us a while. The street names there are cool, like, 28 ¼ street, that was cool. Ha. We went and got some food then went back to the hospital. Taylor’s phone started dieing so we went back to the room long enough to get it charged, within that time Taylor and I had a conversation that I’ll never forget. See, I really admire Taylor for how incredible she is. I’ll always look up to her. I really enjoyed the conversation, and we shared a lot with each other at that time. We were only planning on staying in the room for about 20 minutes; it ended up being over an hour. We headed back and just watched TV in the lounge, oh, that afternoon Tim had been transferred onto the 2^nd floor, yay! That means all of us could be in the room. Later in the day, Tim’s partner had come from Mesquite where they were vacationing or something to see Tim. That is what I call love. Monday morning rolled in and we knew that we were gonna be leaving that day. Tina had set up a ride for us to get home. That morning EriAnn called me and asked me how to get to the place we were staying, I walked out of the room and explained it to her, they got there and I said hi to Steve, Terri, Tyler and EriAnn, then brought them in and surprised Tina. They really were able to brighten our day. We went to the mall that day. Kameron and I chilled in DEB’S and watched Kenzi and EriAnn try on prom dresses; that was fun. We made it back to the hospital and our ride was there. We all loaded up and got ready to go. Andrea called me…finally, haha, we had spent the previous days playing phone tag, I didn’t really talk much about it all because I was in the car with everyone, it was really nice to talk to her. We stuck the movie Bedtime Stories in and watched that most the way back home. I took pictures, cool. Ha. We got back, took showers and then headed to Amy Cox’s house where we stayed that night, I stayed on the floor, oh well, it didn’t bother me by then. I knew I had to leave the next morning to come back to California, and I really didn’t want to. When we had arrived at Tim’s house the night before I told Kameron that their house is the only place I feel at home. So, I really didn’t want to leave. Tina had stayed at the hospital with Tim, so I had said goodbye to them, but I’m no good at goodbyes. That morning, after all the Cox’s kids left for school, I remember sitting down at the top of the stairs and crying, I had met so many amazing people on this trip that I really didn’t want to leave, its like I had a new family, or family that I had never met before. I love them all. We got to Tim’s house and I waited for my brother Ian to come and pick me up. He did and I said goodbye to my cousins. We left, we stopped at Cabela’s, then left. I hate leaving Utah, and the drive home. I enjoy the trip out because I know what I’m going too, and that I have a strong ‘want’ to be there, and I dread the drive home, ‘cause I know what’s waiting for me there. Home…huh.

I love everyone that I met on this trip, they are as much my family as anyone in my actual family. I love my family very much, I miss you all very much. Stay safe.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now.

(After being back in Utah with family for the past couple weeks, I've been able to spend time with my Uncle Tim, Aunt Tina, and all their kids. Its almost awkward. Like, I'm chill with whatever. But, I wonder about them. I've wondered what it was like, in their point of view, having me there during this accident. It's something I think about every single day. I mean...best trip ever. I can't even call it a bad trip. Only because so much good did come out of it. For me, and for my Uncle's family. To see how close they got...and how much it really changed them. I know that it was probably hard to have me tag along after something like this had happened, and I feel bad about it. I just have those thoughts. It is really great being able to see my Uncle walk and drive and do everything on his own...Its just really good. It was definitely a hard month and a half hearing almost nothing about how he was doing. I love this family.)